Monday, 06 July 2009

  • For some reason, a lot of things have been going through my mind.

    As of late, I've been struggling a lot with finding my place in this world. I am unsure where I find joy – especially when it comes to employment. People say that I should go into photography because it’s something I enjoy doing. I don’t know about it because it’s something I enjoy doing but I don’t know if I want to turn it into a career. It’s an extremely competitive field and compared to other people – there is a lot of growth that needs to happen before I can be this phenomenal photographer that apparently other people think I am. Another reason I don’t want to go into photography full time is because I love working with at risk youth. Having gone to China on short term mission trips as well as working with at risk youth ever since college, they hold a special spot in my heart even though they cause me a lot of stress in life because I worry about them (but then again I worry about a lot of people). I just love making a difference. It’s just finding a balance for my love of travel, my heart for the youth and my love for photography.

    I have finding out that as of late – it is very hard for me to accept help. I know that I am the type of person that if someone is hurting or in need of a good friend, I am more than willing to drop everything that is going on in my life to help that person and be there for them. I am willing to change around my schedule based on people who need help. I would definitely label myself as a giver more than a taker. I think part of it is because of my pride. I want to be able to stand my own two feet and show the world that I am this strong, confident woman who doesn’t need to depend on anyone. But then I realize that it doesn’t always work that way and I ultimately need help and as much as I would like to always depend on people to fill the need of feeling like I’m taken care of, I have to realize Jesus is the one that is there for me. He is the Ultimate Healer, the Ultimate Comforter and He is my Abba Father.

    Then the topic of guys always pops up in my world every once in a while. I’ve been thinking about the topic lately because I have been hanging out with a certain guy and it’s been going well. It has been fun because we seem to get along very well – we always have good conversations and good laughs. He has a lot of what I look for in a guy – college educated, charismatic, out going, has a wicked sense of humor, a sense of rhythm and is the type of guy that will take care of a girl. I don’t know – for some reason I’m hesitant to pursue anything even though there is a lot that I like. Part of me thinks - what about me do other people see that I don't see? Why would anyone want to be with me - Jenny Chung? A big part of it is because I am deathly afraid that there is someone on planet earth that will want to be with me for the rest of my life. I am afraid that the guy will tell me that as much as I want to try to push him away because I think I can take care of myself even though sometimes I clearly can’t and really gets to know who I am – beneath the front I put up to guard myself from getting hurt - that he’ll stay with me forever because he loves me for who I really am.

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